I see so many life coaches and mindset coaches teaching manifestation. In fact, I just listened to one coach talking about how women should act when they want to manifest success. Among other lessons, there was one that got my attention and the inner rebel woke up. What? No!!! I don’t like that idea. She advised women to go and buy expensive clothes, and purses with brand names so women could emanate success.
I listened and my heart dropped.
WHY do women follow success advice from this person before deciding their definition of success?
Here’s the truth: success looks different for everyone. It’s not a one-size-fits-all concept. To some, it will be the 17-bedroom mansion, a castle, a private island with a jet, and to others is a little hut in the woods, a self-sustainable garden, and a great book. For some, clothes need to be comfortable, and for others, it has to be an Insta-inspired photoshoot daily with glitter and diamonds.
It’s time to define what success means to YOU. Take some time to think about the kind of life you want to create, the people you want to surround yourself with, and the energy you want to attract.
Grab a notebook and start writing down what truly makes you happy. Don’t just think about it – put it down on paper. This exercise will help you navigate through temporary feelings and define the meaning of your success.
I am sure you also have those days when the action or words of someone else, or your inner talk, affected how you feel. I call those temporary feelings despite the fact they can, at times, last a few days. I want to separate those as they don’t bring much value.
8 questions to help you define your success:
What is your dream house or apartment?
Describe it in detail – from the dream kitchen to the bedroom, garden, tiles, and pots and pans. Also, where do you want it to be located? house or apartment? Mountains or ocean, busy streets or secluded island, there is no right or wrong – this is your life and your dream.
What is your dream job/career or business?
What would you do every day if you could afford anything you want?
Would you take lots of time to travel and discover the world or you would feel perfectly fine helping in the community? What talents do you have or would like to work on? What activities marked as “chores” by others, actually make you happy, or do you relax while doing them? For example, some ladies love cooking, and I don’t get any pleasure out of it; cleaning doesn’t make me happy either, despite the fact I like it when the house is clean. Instead, I love thinking ahead and strategizing which at times intimidates others. Therefore truly think about it and find what you like, big and small, and start doing more of what makes you happy, as a business or hobby. I thrive when I can help others find what they love, figure out how to monetize it, and enjoy every day of their life while feeling fulfilled, confident and successful.
What clothing makes you feel relaxed, or engaged or makes you feel powerful?
First of course decide what matters to you – the perception of others or how you feel. Then how you want to feel… and what clothes match it.
I totally understand that at times we just have to wear clothes that match our current position – whether be a uniform or safety gear or work-related standard… yet slowly you can transform into what truly matches YOU. Maybe only after work, or during the weekend. Eventually, people won’t mind if your clothing is more relaxed or flashy if you provide the service they are happy with.
I love feeling relaxed. I love flip-flops and the sound of waves, and I love hikes in the mountains. Leggings are my best friend and I am totally in love with jean leggings. The second-best are dresses… flowy, and comfortable with prints that make me feel happy.
What are the responsibilities that make you happy?
What would you like to stop doing? What drains you, bores you, and makes you tired? What do you enjoy doing and what you could do more of? We all have different talents so, please never limit yourself by saying I only like cooking or cleaning, or painting. We both know or heard of successful people that are doing exactly what you like, so why not you too?
See, slowly you can figure out how you can transform from where you are to where you want to be. And if you are halfway there… congrats. For most starting is the worst. Make that list and I am sure you can figure out your special talent(s). I am excited for you!
What kind of people do you want to surround yourself with?
Who inspires you? Who supports you and makes you feel good about yourself? Brutal truth: limiting contact with those that drain you or don’t wish you well IS a good idea.
What are you grateful for?
I prioritize spending as much time as possible with my family so a walk in the park, going to the pool, and watching their activities is my definition of success.
I value experiences so to me a vacation, whether a road trip or a Hawaii trip to a luxurious resort is the highest level of happiness.
What places would you like to visit?
If you don’t have your list make it. Write down places you want to visit in your town and surrounding cities, write down the places further or even follow the movie “Around the world in 80 days“. Dream, dream big – you can only achieve your dreams in you dream them first.
What do you like about your life? What do you hate?
Include anything that comes to mind. Don’t forget your health goals – we all have them. Whether it’s losing a few pounds or gaining a few, toning the body or improving health, or staying alive a little bit longer… We all have them. Write them down!
The beauty is that once you define those you will be able to work on changing your life and bring in more of what you love.
Word of advice – don’t change all at once. To set yourself up for success figure out what is possible now and chop the goals into pieces that you can actually do. Don’t fall into the “New Year, New Me” trap. That rarely works. Mostly because suddenly we expect ourselves to become someone else with a new exercise routine, new diet, new work habits… You can’t change all of them at the same time and stay consistent. Especially as each one of us has high and low days. With a low day of not following through many just skip the goal altogether. I know you don’t want to do it this time! Divide them into small steps so that you can celebrate your achievements faster. Let’s say your goal is to lose 50 lbs. Divide it and promise yourself (write it down) to celebrate every 10 lbs you lose. Every day you exercise tell yourself – I am proud of myself for keeping up with my goal! For some of the goals starting is the struggle so… Think about what can you do in the next 10 min to get a little bit closer to your long-term goal. Do you want to transition to a new profession? Well search for a course or free resources and commit that every week you will put 3 hrs into learning. If you will do more – congrats but trust me those 3 hrs a week will add up fast compared to an empty dream. Don’t become the grandma that wishes she did this or that… be the one that says I did many things I wanted. Highly recommend the book Atomic Habit – which will give you more ideas on how to slowly chase your dreams!
This also brings fear for some – as the reality is – you will also need to lose some parts of your life. Could be people or places, or both. Could be behaviors that must be altered or trauma to heal, could be big changes like divorce, running away from an abusive relationship or working on parenting skills, new job skills, or writing that book you always wanted to write and procrastinate for years.
Whatever it is, I am sure you can do it. Nobody said life will be nice and easy, but it can be amazing if we create it this way. Even if it is a tiny step at a time. Please, start with one, and I fully understand that the first step is the hardest. Somehow, though, I feel that if you got to this point in this article you already did the first step – and your mind is wandering about YOUR DEFINITION OF SUCCESS. Congrats. Now write it down, and pick one thing to change, or all if you are the super brave one.
Please share how you define your success in the comments. Would love to hear your thoughts.
